Please don’t judge me too harshly.
Maybe I really am a bad mother. Or maybe I simply made mistakes I can no longer fix.
I’m 61 years old. I have only one son. He’s 30.
For most of his life, we were close. Very close. I raised him almost alone. His biological father was never truly there, and my second husband — his stepfather — is a kind, gentle man who always kept his distance. Once, when my son was younger, he said, “You’re not my father.” After that, my husband stepped back completely.
So I became both mother and father.
My son was a sickly child. Constant doctors, worries, fear. Later, there were bad friends, moments when I was terrified he might fall into drugs. I wasn’t perfect, but I tried to protect him. I tried to be there. Always.
He grew up, got married, became a father himself. His daughter will soon be one year old. We live next door.
And yet… for more than a year now, we barely speak.
I feel that my son is deeply offended by something. But I don’t know what. I’ve tried asking him directly. I’ve tried asking my daughter-in-law. Her answer is always the same:
“You need to talk to him yourself.”
But he doesn’t talk to me.
Everything seemed to break after something small — almost ridiculous. I asked him to help me with my computer. Not the first time. He had already been irritated before. That day, he didn’t argue. He didn’t shout.
He simply stood up, took his wife, and left.
The pies I baked stayed untouched on the table.
Since then — silence.
I found out he’s planning to move abroad. Not from him. From others. He never told me himself.
I only see my granddaughter through my daughter-in-law. I ask questions, I send messages. She answers politely, but briefly. Always at a distance.
I pray. I call. I write.
No answer.
I tried giving him space, thinking maybe he needed time. But the distance only grew. Now it feels like a wall I can’t climb.
What hurts the most is that I was a good daughter myself. I took care of my own mother until her last day. I loved her deeply. My son saw that. He even helped me then.
So I don’t understand.
How do you reach the heart of a child who no longer wants to hear you?
How do you apologize when you don’t know what you’re apologizing for?
I would be grateful for any advice.