I read real-life stories on this site quite often, and I’ve noticed that they’re mostly written by women. Many of their problems are typical.
They’re repeated in various confessions, floating from comment to comment. But truly sensible advice, much less methods for preventing problematic situations, is rare.
I’d like to express my male opinion on the pitfalls women fall into and why they shouldn’t. Those interested can continue to blame men for everything, but perhaps my thoughts will be at least a little helpful to someone.
Firstly, not all women are plagued by maternal instinct, and not all are thrilled to have given birth. I think many lives (and not just women’s) are crippled by the indelibly ingrained goal of “having a baby before thirty,” “no one will be around to bring you a glass of water in your old age,” and so on.
Many women, who don’t really need it, panic, succumb to social pressure, and then anonymously write stories on sites like ispovedi.com about how they hate their child, how they “sacrificed everything,” and couldn’t do what they love.
Perhaps you really need to live your own life. It’s important to listen to others’ advice, but make your own decisions. There’s no universal happiness for everyone. Everyone has their own, non-standardized happiness. You shouldn’t act “like everyone else” if you don’t need it and aren’t interested.
Secondly, women’s lamentations about “wasted time” and “I wasted my best years on you, and you…” aren’t very logical either. A common and very serious mistake most women make is caring about their appearance rather than their brains, professional skills, career, and, ultimately, money.
Appearance is a very unreliable and perishable thing. I don’t understand why women rely on it. Seriously, the whole “blind and stupid” men who only notice cleavage and hate smart girls thing isn’t really relevant – there aren’t that many of them among us.
Perhaps before the twentieth century, when women were essentially powerless commodities and dead weight for both their fathers and husbands, such tactics were justified. But why do modern women keep making the same mistakes? And not only do they make the same mistakes themselves, but they also push their daughters, sisters, and girlfriends into them…
It’s a popular example, but if a woman is a Person of the likes of Alla Borisovna (fame isn’t necessary; a little money, intelligence, connections, etc. are enough), then there’s always a young Galkin (if suddenly, after forty, she wants something like that).
Men don’t usually expect to “marry well” or regret “wasting their best years on their wife.” Even if they do care about their appearance, it’s not to make a good living, quickly have children, and relax.
For a man, marriage and the birth of children are just the beginning, an incentive to work harder (including on himself), not an excuse to show off in a veil and post photos to make his classmates envious.
A man knows that he has no one to rely on but himself. And the woman he loves can at most be an equal friend, but certainly not a source of funding for his endless desires.
Thirdly, men are reluctant to marry not because they need more and more young fools, but because, aside from beauty (which, when married, quickly adds extra pounds, gets a shorter haircut, and becomes a constant headache), most women have nothing more interesting to offer.
Naturally, sooner or later, such a woman loses out to the “newer models” who advertise themselves with revealing clothing, makeup, and languid glances.
A painted-up, foolish woman “about forty” who hasn’t decided to become wise looks pathetic. And she simply has nothing to offer her equally foolish, but younger, competitors. All she can do is whine and blame others for all her troubles.
Unfortunately, there aren’t many women who are still interesting to a man several years after their first encounter. Such women don’t need a stamp in their passport. They understand that having a child doesn’t guarantee them a life of ease at the expense of their child’s father.
They know that a relationship with the man they love requires work from the very first kiss, every day, and that this work isn’t limited to eyelash extensions and lacy lingerie.
Cheating on such women is very rare, and men almost never leave them, because finding even one like them is a stroke of luck. Only a complete idiot would risk losing her to a common young fool. And, as I mentioned above, there aren’t many such men.